On the scale of sexy attire, wetsuits fall into the deep end.
We’ve all been there – lying on a beach towel, legs akimbo, wrenching a sand-filled, neoprene second skin over your body like you’re trying to fill a condom with ham. And once you’re in and zipped up, every single cornish pasty you’ve ever eaten bulges out like a hernia. You nervously look over you shoulder, waiting for members of the Whale and Dolphin Conversation Society to jump out, relentlessly spray you with water and try to roll you back in.
Well those days are finally over, friends…
Iconic surfer brand Quiksilver has brought out the True Wetsuit – a suit made of super-stretchy jersey neoprene and water-repelling Dryflight fabric. You might have trouble keeping your cigar lit and your martini glass full but who cares when you’ve got a waterproof tie with a “delicate design suitable for business and party situations.” It’s available in three styles – black, navy and tuxedo and will cost you 300,000 Yen (just shy of £1700.)
If only these were around when Daniel Craig emerged from the sea in those little, blue budgie-smugglers and burned our corneas.